Tag: writing
Depression
The loss of a loved one can have a profound effect on all of us. Perhaps in ways that we can’t fully realize. At first it might be hard for us to accept the reality that the person is gone. That we will never again be able to hug them, laugh with them about the good ole days, or watch the love they have for their spouses, their children or grandchildren sparkle in their eyes as they spoke of them.
After realizing that they will no longer be one of the constants in our lives we might become angry. Mad at ourselves for not spending more time with them, especially in those final years. We will pray, we will cry, but eventually we will begin to accept death as the inevitable end to every life no matter how special or unique the person was to us.
Death is a certainty for everyone and everything. It’s important however to remember that although grieving is a normal process after a loved one’s death, those that have moved on ahead of us would wish that our sorrow be short lived. Their desire would be for us to live out our lives as planned. We must continue on as examples of the positive things that they left behind, and become who we were meant to become. We must embrace our grief in order to overcome it. Remember that grief for a loved one’s death is not a sign of weakness but a sign of the love that we hold for them.
Different people react to things in different ways. It takes some a bit longer than others to get over their grief so don’t feel inadequate or unstable if it takes you a while longer than others think it should. Though we may never understand exactly why things happen; we realize that they all happen for a specific reason. It may not seem like it now, but as time moves on, we know that the pain and hurt that we feel will subside. However, the memories of all the good things they meant to us will remain.
With the holiday season upon us and our emotions already stretched to their limits, I would like to remind everyone that sometimes the events that seem small to us may be just enough to push others beyond the breaking point. Although grief is something that we must embrace in order to move on, it’s only a short step from natural sorrow to depression. I thought it appropriate to share this list, of some of the signs of depression, so that we may be better prepared to help our loved ones, or ourselves, through what can be such an emotional time in our lives.
- Feeling physically drained or emotionally out of control (extreme mood swings, feeling good one minute and sad the next)
- Difficulty in eating, perhaps the thought of food might even make you ill
- Increased susceptibility to illnesses
- Feeling emotionally shut down
- Difficulty in doing everyday tasks, can’t think clearly, or remember things
- Crying continuously, or unable to control anger
- Can’t cry at all
- Drinking more than usual
- Can’t sleep at night, taking frequent naps, or are constantly tired
- Sigh a lot
- Talk about death over and over or dwell on it every moment
- Loss of interest in work, house, or physical appearance. Neglect of personal hygiene (don’t brush teeth, take regular baths, or wash hair very often)
- Suffer from extreme loneliness
- Have lots of guilt about things you did or didn’t do
- Lack of interest in sex
- Constantly criticizing yourself
- Feels like there is a huge hole in your heart or something is missing
- Relive and rehash scenes or conversations
- See no reason to exist
Perhaps, it’s the last listed here, that we must be especially vigilant. Depression can sneak up on us without warning and sometimes, it can be very difficult to distinguish between it and normal adolescent behavior. We must remember, that no matter how bad it gets, no matter now desolate, lonely, sad, miserable, or lost we feel, it will get better. Every person who is born has a purpose. We may think that our life is worthless or we won’t be missed, but we’ll never know whose life we will touch, or the difference we might make in that person’s life. However, each of us will make a difference to someone.
You can see how easily it can be to confuse depression with so many things. The key is the length of time it takes to recover from an emotional trauma. If you feel that your grieving is lasting too long, seek the help of a therapist, minister, friend, or physician. It’s okay to seek help until you are better able to handle your grief. Never be ashamed at seeking professional help. Remember that each time you suffer a loss, large or small; it can trigger feelings that will bring back all the memories of all your other losses. Things like the loss of a pet, a house fire or even a bad grade on a homework assignment is enough to push us over the edge. You may not consciously think about them, but the feelings can still be there.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us ‘To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to morn and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; A time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; A time to keep silent, and a time to speak; A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace.’
Above all, I wish for every one of you a time of peace.
Merry Christmas to all.
Keep it Simple
Mrs. Backyard Poet was watching some movie the other day. I couldn’t tell you what the name of the movie was or anything else about it, except the closing theme song. It was simply the words ‘you can do anything’ repeated over and over again for what seemed like a thousand times. I was so irritated with it that I got up and left the room. But now, many days later, those words are still stuck in my head. Proving the analogy ‘keep it simple stupid’ is still the best practice and it reminded me of how our lives can be defined by just a few lines or even a few words.
Of all the eloquent speeches and writings of Martin Luther King, Jr. most people can sum him up with the simple phrase “I have a Dream”. Very few of us remember much more. What about Abraham Lincoln? If asked what words from ‘Abe’ do you remember, a vast majority would say “Four score and seven years ago” When we hear, “Elementary my dear Watson”, we immediately think of Sherlock Holmes even though it was never said by that character. Who can tell me the person responsible for, “What is the use of living, if it be not to strive for noble causes and to make this muddled world a better place for those who will live in it after we are gone? How else can we put ourselves in harmonious relation with the great verities and consolations of the infinite and eternal? And I avow my faith that we are marching towards better days. Humanity will be cast down. We are going on swinging bravely forward along the grand high road and already behind the distant mountains is the promise of the sun.” Hardly anyone; but what about, “You make a living by what you get; you make a life by what you give” then we instantly think of Winston Churchill.
Because it’s simple and easy to remember.
Not yet convinced…let me give you a few simple words and see who comes to your mind. Disclaimer…some are not actual quotes from the person accredited for saying them.
“Let’s make America great again”
“Read my lips, no new taxes”
“I am not a crook”
“Walk softly and carry a big stick”
“We are bigger than Jesus”
“Play it again Sam”
“Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness”
“You get a car, you get a car, and you get a car”
Even when talking about our neighbors we shorten them to a few words. ‘He’s the bald guy that has the poodles’ or ‘the woman that drives the red minivan’ or ‘the couple with all the kids’. I can remember my father telling an acquaintance about me once.,“You know…the one that lives in the city. He’s married to Deb”. Thing is, everyone knew who he was talking about.
So I’ve been thinking, as us old people often do, about how I would like for my epitaph to read.
Father, Husband, Son, Poet…Friend.
Simple.
How do you want to be remembered?
The evolution of a story!
A while back, I was asked by some friends how I came up with the stories I tell. So I thought I would put this out in cyberspace to let anyone, who might be interested, into my mind for a little visit. This is my seat of the pants process. It works for me. I’m curious to know how do other writers come up with their ideas?
First, I start off with an object.
A table
I just keep asking myself, Who, What, When, Where, and Why and keep expanding.
*There was a table in the corner
*There was a table in the corner with red Formica top and chrome edges.
*The bright afternoon sunlight slanted in through the dirt streaked window. It reflected off the red Formica and exposed the scratches and dents left by thousands of customers in the ancient table in the corner.
*The bright afternoon sunlight slanted in through the dirt streaked window. It reflected off the red Formica and exposed the scratches and dents left by thousands of customers in the ancient table in the corner. One mark, right on the edge closest to the window drew Jerry’s attention. It was a heart with the words Jerry + Deb inside it.
*The bright afternoon sunlight slanted in through the dirt streaked window. It reflected off the red Formica and exposed the scratches and dents left by thousands of customers in the ancient table in the corner. One mark, near the edge closest to the window drew Jerry’s attention. It was a heart with the words Jerry + Deb inside it. Jerry chuckled and a smile creased his face. He remembered the night that Deb scratched that into the table. Everyone called her Debbie goody-two-shoes because she was always so prim and proper. Jerry was probably the only person on earth that really knew her.
So there are many places you can take the story from here. Perhaps I will go this way.
So it was no surprise to him when Sheriff Johnson announced that Debbie had embezzled money from her bank and fled to Mexico. This too made Jerry smile. He looked at his phone again. The text read “Please call me. I am in trouble and need your help…Deb”
Or maybe this way,
It had ripped the heart from Jerry’s chest when Sheriff Johnson knocked on the door that evening twenty years ago. Those words still echo in his mind. “I’m sorry Jerry. On her way home from work, Deb was hit by a drunk driver. She was killed instantly.” Tears rolled down Jerry’s cheek.
Or,
Memories of the past twenty years flooded his mind. It had certainly been a roller coaster ride of emotions for him. Jerry was still lost in his thoughts when the little bell above the door dinged. It startled him back to reality and he looked up at the door to see Deb walk in. She was as beautiful now as she was the day she scratched their names into this table. His heart skipped a few beats as he watched her walk toward him.
“Happy Anniversary!” she whispered as she kissed his cheek.
A wide smile broke across Jerry’s face.
Sunflowers
I journeyed deep along mountain paths
Contemplating life’s complexities
By chance, a wondrous meadow did pass
Its perfume afloat a restful breeze
Widely I gazed yet could see no end
Swaying and moving to nature’s strain
Wildflowers surfing on summer’s wind
Their brown faces crowned in yellow reign
With poet’s hand I devoured the scene
But words to their song I could not lend
Yet I watched them dance upon the green
My saddened heart rose and I did mend
Though I could not capture the repose
With failing words I sadly moved on
My tablet filled with half-written prose
And pen eager to sing unheard songs
Jerry Brotherton 