Good Morning Americans,
Just a little wake-up call for me this morning. While I was rinsing my mouth with Listerine Total Care Freshmint Anticavity Mouthwash this morning, I caught a glimpse of the back of the bottle. Under the heading ‘Active Ingredients, I saw only one thing listed; Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride Ion. Not bad I thought, “Pretty simple and straight forward.” Being the country boy that I am, I liked that.
But wait, what’s this? Way down at the bottom of the label was another category…inactive ingredients. What the Hell does that mean? Are they Chemicals just hanging around not doing anything? If they’re inactive, why do we need them? So being the inquisitive person (nosy little bastard) I researched the rest of my morning routine. I tell you, I was as Dumbfounded as the Orange Man at a diplomatic briefing.
An American Routine,
Jump in the shower and spread a little…Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Cocamidopropl Bethane, Sodium Chloride, Dimethconol, Fragrance, Carbomer, Propylene Glycol, Citric acid, Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride, Tea-dodecylbenzensulfate, Tetrasodium edta, DMDM Hydanton, PPG-9, Methylchloroisothiazolimone, Methylisothiazolimone, Mica (CI 77019), Titanium Dioxide (CI 77891) Blue 1 (CI 42090)…into your hair and let that rest a bit while I lather up with some nice refreshing…
Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Sodium Chloride, Fragrance, Cocamide MEA, Citric Acid, Propylene Glycol, PPG-9, Tedrasodium EDTA, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone, Yellow 6 (ci 19140), Red 33 (CI 17200)
Remember to rinse and repeat if necessary.
Jump out of the shower and dry off, then spread some of this on your face…Stearic Acid, Triethanolamine, Isobutane, Laureth-23, Propane, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Fragrance, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, BHT and scrape it off with sharp steel blades.
Throw a little Aluminum Ziconium Tetrachlorohydrex GLY, Cyclopentasiloxane, Stearyl Alcohol, PPG-14, Butyl Ether, Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Talc, PEG-8 Destearate, Fragrance, BST on your armpits.
Brush your teeth with some…Potassium nitrate, Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride ion,
Rinse with a little bit of.. Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride ion, Sorbitol solution, Alcohol, Poloxamer 407, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Eucalyptol, Flavor, Methyl Salicylate, Thymol, Phosphoric Acid, Sucralose, Menthol, Disodium Phosphate, FD&C Red 40, FD&C Blue 1
Don’t forget to put a little…Allantoin, Chloroxylenol, Cetyl Esters, Petrolatum, Isopropyl Palmitate, Carbomer 934, Triethanolamine, Stearyl Alcohol, Ceteareth-20, Lanolin, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Fragrance on my crusty elbows and calloused hands.
The only thing left is to take my regiment of pills with a good ole glass of pure water…or is it?