Fishing

The days of summer are really only made for one thing…fishing. I recall that at thirteen I would have rather been fishing than pretty much anything else I could think of to do. Of course that was a time before I discovered that girls were placed upon the earth for something more than to just to annoy me. The Wakenda creek wasn’t good for anything more than gars and the occasional soft shelled turtle. You might catch a few Bullhead catfish or even a descent sized carp on a good day but that never mattered. It gave me all the peace and quiet I needed to try to make some sense of the raging hormones that were part of being a teenager.  Most days you could usually find me lying on the bank staring into the clear sky and wondering if I wasn’t really adopted. There were even times when my line would be in the water without any bait on it.

In most places the Wakenda creek normally ran very shallow and narrow. However in my secluded, and I thought secret, spot the water backed up into a pool of deep green. A large cottonwood tree stood at the water’s edge just off a nice sandy beach. The breeze would dance among its leaves and pluck the soft tufts from the branches and send them drifting slowly to the water below. On this particular day as I rounded the cottonwood I saw a familiar figure leaning against the tree. It was my dad.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, more than a little puzzled. You see there was more than a little age difference between me and my father so we usually didn’t have a lot to talk about.

“Today…I’m going to show you everything that is important about life.”

So I thought that this was the talk that I have heard so much about from my brothers. So I prepared myself to absorb this information. I was going to learn about girls, sex, money…you know what I mean… real life and death stuff.  It was going to be the kind of stuff that you can only learn through years and years of trial and error. The knowledge of a lifetime given to me from the one person I knew to be the wisest man on earth.

My dad placed his hand firmly on my shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze. For the first time in my life I noticed his hands.  They were strong and tanned but calloused from way too many years of manual labor. His fingers were twisted from age. His touch was rough and his grip firm. But I could feel there was a gentleness that lay underneath the surface of his touch. It was a tenderness learned from a lifetime of love and caring. With the other hand he pulled a red checked handkerchief from his bib overalls and wiped his brow. His face was wrinkled and leathery but his eyes were still full of light.

I watched intently as his knurled hands threaded a large gumbo earthworm onto his hook. His tongue stuck out from between tight lips and curled slightly on the end. He held the work only a few inches from his face trying to see through squinted eyes in the dim early morning light.

“Always take your time to do it right. It’s gotta be perfect in order to get the big ones,” he said. “Leave just the right amount wiggling to lure them in…but not too much or the smart ones would just pull it right off and leave you with nothing.”

After an extensive examination of his work he nodded his head in satisfaction. Then he spat a stream of tobacco juice onto the squirming worm. A small trail of dark liquid trickled down his grizzled gray beard.

“Just so they’ll know it’s me.” He said, with a crooked grin and a quick wink. Then with one fluid motion he cast the line of his cane pole into the water of the creek. There was barely a splash as it landed within inches of a fallen tree that jutted out from the surface.

“Always know exactly where to place your bait,” he said.

After resting his pole on a forked stick protruding from the soft earth, he removed his sweat stained ball cap, ran his twisted fingers through his thin silver hair and took a long swig from his bottle of wine. He leaned back against the old cottonwood tree…wriggled his body a little in search of the most comfort. Then he spat out another stream of tobacco juice and went to sleep.

I wanted to give him the time to provide the answers at his own pace. So for several minutes I watched him lying there in the warm sunshine. The only sound was the sough of the wind in the willow trees and the long mournful whistle of the distant Burlington Northern making its way east with a load of grain. I waited patiently, eagerly anticipating the wisdom that he was going to share with me. I had so many questions that needed answers. I wasn’t sure where to begin.

“What the hell?” I asked myself. “Is this all there is? Where are all the answers about women, sex, work, politics, war and money?”

Now, nearly half a century later, I understand one thing, that no matter how paramount my problems may seem to be at the time, I always look back to that day and realize. He had told me everything I needed to know

Wakenda Creek

My dear friend

Among your magnificent oaks

Your ghostly willows

Your towering maples

I honed my youthful imagination

I fought countless WWII battles

Hunted for elephants in the depths of Africa

With Frodo and Sam we searched

Through hollow logs for Elves and Orcs

As Captain Blackbeard

I pirated your waters for golden booty

I fished and hunted

Along your muddy banks

As I grew older

You exposed me to different fantasies

Secluded amid a cottonwood grove

Surrounded by fields of tall corn

And sweet smelling alfalfa

A wide-open night sky

With countless stars and a full summer moon

Gave me my first glimpse of heaven

I thank you for the many memories

christmas is the day we miss not seeing the people we never cared about the other 364 days

the best holiday decoration that can ever be displayed—is a genuine smile

Depression

The loss of a loved one can have a profound effect on all of us. Perhaps in ways that we can’t fully realize. At first it might be hard for us to accept the reality that the person is gone. That we will never again be able to hug them, laugh with them about the good ole days, or watch the love they have for their spouses, their children or grandchildren sparkle in their eyes as they spoke of them.

After realizing that they will no longer be one of the constants in our lives we might become angry. Mad at ourselves for not spending more time with them, especially in those final years. We will pray, we will cry, but eventually we will begin to accept death as the inevitable end to every life no matter how special or unique the person was to us.

Death is a certainty for everyone and everything. It’s important however to remember that although grieving is a normal process after a loved one’s death, those that have moved on ahead of us would wish that our sorrow be short lived. Their desire would be for us to live out our lives as planned. We must continue on as examples of the positive things that they left behind, and become who we were meant to become. We must embrace our grief in order to overcome it. Remember that grief for a loved one’s death is not a sign of weakness but a sign of the love that we hold for them.

Different people react to things in different ways. It takes some a bit longer than others to get over their grief so don’t feel inadequate or unstable if it takes you a while longer than others think it should. Though we may never understand exactly why things happen; we realize that they all happen for a specific reason. It may not seem like it now, but as time moves on, we know that the pain and hurt that we feel will subside. However, the memories of all the good things they meant to us will remain.

With the holiday season upon us and our emotions already stretched to their limits, I would like to remind everyone that sometimes the events that seem small to us may be just enough to push others beyond the breaking point. Although grief is something that we must embrace in order to move on, it’s only a short step from natural sorrow to depression. I thought it appropriate to share this list, of some of the signs of depression, so that we may be better prepared to help our loved ones, or ourselves, through what can be such an emotional time in our lives.

  • Feeling physically drained or emotionally out of control (extreme mood swings, feeling good one minute and sad the next)
  • Difficulty in eating, perhaps the thought of food might even make you ill
  • Increased susceptibility to illnesses
  • Feeling emotionally shut down
  • Difficulty in doing everyday tasks, can’t think clearly, or remember things
  • Crying continuously, or unable to control anger
  • Can’t cry at all
  • Drinking more than usual
  • Can’t sleep at night, taking frequent naps, or are constantly tired
  • Sigh a lot
  • Talk about death over and over or dwell on it every moment
  • Loss of interest in work, house, or physical appearance. Neglect of personal hygiene (don’t brush teeth, take regular baths, or wash hair very often)
  • Suffer from extreme loneliness
  • Have lots of guilt about things you did or didn’t do
  • Lack of interest in sex
  • Constantly criticizing yourself
  • Feels like there is a huge hole in your heart or something is missing
  • Relive and rehash scenes or conversations
  • See no reason to exist

Perhaps, it’s the last listed here, that we must be especially vigilant. Depression can sneak up on us without warning and sometimes, it can be very difficult to distinguish between it and normal adolescent behavior. We must remember, that no matter how bad it gets, no matter now desolate, lonely, sad, miserable, or lost we feel, it will get better. Every person who is born has a purpose. We may think that our life is worthless or we won’t be missed, but we’ll never know whose life we will touch, or the difference we might make in that person’s life. However, each of us will make a difference to someone.

You can see how easily it can be to confuse depression with so many things. The key is the length of time it takes to recover from an emotional trauma. If you feel that your grieving is lasting too long, seek the help of a therapist, minister, friend, or physician. It’s okay to seek help until you are better able to handle your grief. Never be ashamed at seeking professional help. Remember that each time you suffer a loss, large or small; it can trigger feelings that will bring back all the memories of all your other losses. Things like the loss of a pet, a house fire or even a bad grade on a homework assignment is enough to push us over the edge. You may not consciously think about them, but the feelings can still be there.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 tells us ‘To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to morn and a time to dance. A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; A time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; A time to keep silent, and a time to speak; A time to love and a time to hate; a time of war and a time of peace.’

Above all, I wish for every one of you a time of peace.

Merry Christmas to all.