Only a dime a dozen for these broken dreams
a free wooden nickel with each pack of lies
a jar of hoodwinks, flimflams and befuzzles
a bucket of lost hope and a box of how time flies
a Brooklyn bridge, a few penniless thoughts
next to some wasted time and that mirror and smoke
some dirt-cheap hooks, lines and sinkers
a bunch of fake smiles and a couple pigs in a poke
some bamboozles and a few hornswoggles
a pile of ashes from some bridges I’ve burned
a sows ear, some silver thread and a gold needle
a silk purse filled with the lessons I never could learn
Tag: humor
~ Feeling Okay…
My blood pressure is up
cholesterol is too
I have a heart-beat that is quite erratic
My blood sugar reads high
LDL is too low
the scale says that my weight is still pathetic
My hearing is near gone
one eye is almost blind
my doctor informed me with a slight chortle
Well now Jerry, my friend
at least you are not dead
but remember that you are not immortal
So here’s another pill
if you take it you’ll feel
just a little bit more like you did before
But the best thing for you
would be to take a long walk
and leave all the ice cream and pie at the store
~ Slim…
Slim was an old Texas cowboy
had traveled cross this country some
Said he roamed the range all his life
and to ‘Montana he had come
Cause down south it’s hard to figure
what caused so much stink and shoutin
Wanted to see for he got old
this big sky, prairies and mountains
He’d heard about Little Bighorn
where Custer fought them Indians
The Great Continental Divide
and secret Gates of the Mountains
There’s this here place called Glacier Park
with its Going to the Sun Road
By being that close to heaven
could it really be all that cold
Then there’s them three rivers where the
Missouri waters gits her start
And that Russell fella who paints
all them pictures of western art
Sure would like to see Yellowstone
they say that’s quite a sight to see
Where water goes a shootin out
the ground hotter ‘n ole Hades
Not to mention all them critters
like wolves, moose, elk and grizzly bear
Goats that can climb straight up a cliff
perch like a dab blamed eagle there
You folks got this here Chinese wall
a sight that I just gotta see
Thousand foot tall in the center
of a million acres of trees
Got some mountain canyons that are
bigger ‘n most cities around
Herds of wild horses runnin cross
the land make a thunderous sound
At night they say a trillion stars
show thousands of Buffalo graze
They move along so graceful like
through warm and sunny summer days
I said let me warn ya ole Slim
we got things here you won’t believe
But once you lay your eyes on them
you sure ain’t gonna want to leave
Pert near twenty winters have gone
since Slim came to Rockin Bar J
I placed bitterroot on his grave
when we laid him to rest today
Slim might have been born in Texas
and that is quite all right by me
He died a Montana cowboy
in this place where he chose to be
This story, Slim and the Rockin’ Bar J are fragments of this ‘wannabee cowboys’ imagination.
A Bird in the Tree
Twas a bird in the tree across the street
staring at me from the uppermost limb
It seemed he was intently watching me
Perhaps as curious of me as I of him
I think he was squawking profanities
though I wasn’t sure of his tweets and hoots
It appeared that he might be the jealous sort
envious of me in my fur coat and warm boots
I’m pretty sure it was envy he felt
from the sad look I could see on his face
For he had naught but feathers to warm him
and no way to escape winter’s embrace
We both decided it was time to leave
as I could feel the day getting colder
I stood to leave and felt his parting gift
splatter across my new coat’s shoulder
Your Auto Warranty is About to Expire
For the last fifteen years I’ve gotten red in the face
I could scream bloody murder every time I get it
I can’t believe that our congress can’t pass a law
to throw these people in jail if they don’t quit it
I have tried many times to call someone about it
but it seems to be useless and to no avail
I’m talking bout how every day I get bombarded
with a never-ending supply of junk mail
These past few years there’s been one consolation
at least we will no longer have to kill a tree
because now with just a push of one tiny button
they can send their junk to a million people like me
So now I get texts and calls on my cell phone
People wanting to be my Facebook friend
So many fake e-mails, click baits and phishing
I guess there will never be and end
If I don’t act right now I will lose my chance
to get my auto warranty renewed today
My Social Security has been compromised
Give us your bank account and get this grant right away
Hey man I’ve just won the lottery
They’ll deposit into my account right quick
I’ve been asked to donate to some fake charity
So many times it’s enough to make me sick
Foreclosure scams, Identity theft,
Let me do your taxes for you
I’ve grown bald from pulling my hair out
I just don’t know what a person is to do
But I guess what amazes me the most
Is no matter how many times we are warned about it
There are people in the world so gullible
That they will still fall for all their shit
Jerry Brotherton 