~ Slim…

Slim was an old Texas cowboy
had traveled cross this country some
Said he roamed the range all his life
and to ‘Montana he had come

Cause down south it’s hard to figure
what caused so much stink and shoutin
Wanted to see for he got old
this big sky, prairies and mountains

He’d heard about Little Bighorn
where Custer fought them Indians
The Great Continental Divide
and secret Gates of the Mountains

There’s this here place called Glacier Park
with its Going to the Sun Road
By being that close to heaven
could it really be all that cold

Then there’s them three rivers where the
Missouri waters gits her start
And that Russell fella who paints
all them pictures of western art

Sure would like to see Yellowstone
they say that’s quite a sight to see
Where water goes a shootin out
the ground hotter ‘n ole Hades

Not to mention all them critters
like wolves, moose, elk and grizzly bear
Goats that can climb straight up a cliff
perch like a dab blamed eagle there

You folks got this here Chinese wall
a sight that I just gotta see
Thousand foot tall in the center
of a million acres of trees

Got some mountain canyons that are
bigger ‘n most cities around
Herds of wild horses runnin cross
the land make a thunderous sound

At night they say a trillion stars
show thousands of Buffalo graze
They move along so graceful like
through warm and sunny summer days

I said let me warn ya ole Slim
we got things here you won’t believe
But once you lay your eyes on them
you sure ain’t gonna want to leave

Pert near twenty winters have gone
since Slim came to Rockin Bar J
I placed bitterroot on his grave
when we laid him to rest today

Slim might have been born in Texas
and that is quite all right by me
He died a Montana cowboy
in this place where he chose to be

This story, Slim and the Rockin’ Bar J are fragments of this ‘wannabee cowboys’ imagination.

A Bird in the Tree


Twas a bird in the tree across the street
staring at me from the uppermost limb
It seemed he was intently watching me
Perhaps as curious of me as I of him

I think he was squawking profanities
though I wasn’t sure of his tweets and hoots
It appeared that he might be the jealous sort
envious of me in my fur coat and warm boots

I’m pretty sure it was envy he felt
from the sad look I could see on his face
For he had naught but feathers to warm him
and no way to escape winter’s embrace

We both decided it was time to leave
as I could feel the day getting colder
I stood to leave and felt his parting gift
splatter across my new coat’s shoulder

Your Auto Warranty is About to Expire

For the last fifteen years I’ve gotten red in the face
I could scream bloody murder every time I get it
I can’t believe that our congress can’t pass a law
to throw these people in jail if they don’t quit it

I have tried many times to call someone about it
but it seems to be useless and to no avail
I’m talking bout how every day I get bombarded
with a never-ending supply of junk mail

These past few years there’s been one consolation
at least we will no longer have to kill a tree
because now with just a push of one tiny button
they can send their junk to a million people like me

So now I get texts and calls on my cell phone
People wanting to be my Facebook friend
So many fake e-mails, click baits and phishing
I guess there will never be and end

If I don’t act right now I will lose my chance
to get my auto warranty renewed today
My Social Security has been compromised
Give us your bank account and get this grant right away

Hey man I’ve just won the lottery
They’ll deposit into my account right quick
I’ve been asked to donate to some fake charity
So many times it’s enough to make me sick

Foreclosure scams, Identity theft,
Let me do your taxes for you
I’ve grown bald from pulling my hair out
I just don’t know what a person is to do

But I guess what amazes me the most
Is no matter how many times we are warned about it
There are people in the world so gullible
That they will still fall for all their shit

A Mouse in the House

I walked into my closet last week
dressed in naught but socks and underwear
I bent over to pick up my boots
Surprise– a furry creature was there

So I yelped and jumped back a few steps
I’ll say he nearly scared me to death
I flung my right work boot at him
after I had finally caught my breath

Well I missed him by a country mile
and he quickly scampered out the door
That’s when I took aim with my left boot
it thumped and skidded across the floor

I chased it round and round the kitchen
by now I’d armed myself with a broom
I swiped at it Wayne Gretsky style
sent it flying to the dining room

By now the dog had joined in the chase
we were set to show this mouse his tomb
When he ran into my wife’s office
while she was in a meeting on Zoom

Somehow I managed a screeching halt
No view of my boxers or the mouse
But my angry wife has banished me
from playing mouse hockey in the house

As for the mouse I have not a clue
just where he disappeared to that day
I hope he went home and told his kids
it was too crazy for him to stay

~ Hey Boomers ~


What will we do now that we’ve reached Gen Z
will we have to do like hurricanes do
give them names like Alpha, Beta and Gamma
or perhaps just Roman Numeral I and II

Shall we call the new babies Gen Trump
or perhaps Gen Pandemic or Gen Covid
or do we just let them live out their lives
like long ago generations did

You see, I don’t recall Gen Caveman
or Gen Industrial Age
and they seemed to have made it just fine
without the help of some superfluous adage

I wonder why we started naming ourselves
are the children so ashamed of their parents
perhaps afraid they won’t be able to overcome
the terms of their inheritance