Purely a work of fiction my friends. In reality, I learned to drive from my brothers, David, Paul and Phil. In an old beat-up Ford pickup truck on the gravel backroads of Wakenda.
It took an hour to get ready,
even to just drive around the block.
First, he would check the oil, kick the tires,
tune the radio and set the clock.
Then he’d adjust all of the mirrors,
check the wipers and wash the head light.
Not sure why he’d worry about it,
cause he could not see to drive at night.
He could not start any adventure,
and not stop at the liquor store first.
Had to grab a six of Budweiser,
he’d say, “so he did not die of thirst.”
He’d stop at the bottom of the ramp.
trying to get onto the freeway.
Then set his cruise control at forty,
his signal light flashing the whole way.
You know he could not drive fifty-five,
but stayed right there in the passing lane.
Traffic backed up for about a mile,
wave his finger at all who’d complain.
Before he could make a right-hand turn,
he had to come to a complete stop.
Drove around the lot for an hour,
while mom went into the store to shop.
Tag: humor
“Flamingo Paradise Motel”
2021 Jerry Brotherton
It was the neon sign of the
Flamingo Paradise motel.
Flashing lights into my eyes
that woke me up in that filthy hell.
It took a cigarette before I knew
where in the world I was.
And another to clear my mind
of the ringing from last night’s buzz.
There was gin on the table
so I took myself a little snort.
I looked inside my wallet and
I was five hundred dollars short.
I swear that when I went to bed
I had a woman by my side.
I told myself well ole boy
at least it looks like you’re still alive.
Chorus:
Imagine that.
Who would have ever thought,
this time it would end exactly the same.
Happens each time
I mix whisky and gin.
If I thought this time would be different,
I guess I only have myself to blame.
Well I tried to piece together
the events of the night before.
I remember there was a Llama
though I really can’t be sure.
I’m pretty sure she had blond hair,
not the Llama but the girl.
There’s a clown’s mask on the bed post
I’ll be damned if I know what for.
I don’t think she was a lady
or I a perfect gentleman.
I tried so hard to recall her face
but I just don’t think I can.
I went into the bathroom
to splash some cold water on my face.
There was a tuxedo and a bridal gown
strewn about the place.
(Repeat Chorus)
Written in lipstick on the mirror
was a note that someone wrote.
Said thanks for the good time husband
don’t worry—I returned the goat.
Now I swear this is the last time
I’ll touch another drop of gin.
Until the next time I’m in Vegas
when I’ll do it all again.
(Repeat Chorus)
~Trumpy Bear~
My new book, ‘How to Avoid Getting Conned’ is now on sale…just $299.99
~ Am I Original…
As I sit here and pen this rhyme
I wonder if there may come a time
someone else might have the same words to say
As we sit under the same moon
and write tales about a lover’s swoon
will we tell it in the very same way
There are only so many words
to use as nouns, adjectives and verbs
coincidence dictates it might be so
Cause I have read so many bards
that the chances might not be that hard
I could do it and never really know
After all there’s been many times
I’ve struggled to find a way to rhyme
the word horse with anything but ‘of course’
I guess I could make up a word
one nobody else has ever heard
like the evil stallion who bucked and ‘snorsed’
I don’t know why I worry so
there’s probably no one else you know
with a mind quite as twisted and depraved
So if you ever think for sure
you have read these exact words before
know that I didn’t mean to misbehave
~ Another Rule to Break…
Well the experts say
in your poetry
don’t use a cliché
to tell your story
bleeding hearts of men
the tail of a dog
clucking like old hens
croaking like a frog
a bright twinkling star
the light of the moon
runs like a new car
humming of a tune
she’s the cat’s meow
the chug of a train
a slow drifting cloud
the patter of rain
even this rhyme scheme
of ABAB
has no place it seems
in your poetry
so maybe what’s wrong
with this world today
we all go along
with what experts say
cause with no cliché
just what can I do
no ‘Happy Birthday’
or an ‘I Love You’
so my word to you
forget what they say
if it works for you
do it anyway
Jerry Brotherton 