I Owe You My Life

Nothing to do but hang out behind Frank’s

The store parking lot where we sat and drank

There was just me, Randy, Terry and Luke

How many can you drink before you puke

 

No money or jobs and the car is dead

Small town life can really mess with your head

Wondering if you really need that shit

‘Cause some Joker said you got to have it

 

You came along and showed me a new way

I had to make a choice to go or stay

Either leave now or probably die here

We can run away and just disappear

 

Comes a time when you have to make choices

I couldn’t be alone, lost in the voices

You became me; I knew you’d never leave

I had to have trust in you and believe

 

You chased out the demons and let me rest

Gave me your soul and pulled me from that mess

You gave me your heart and became my wife

I gave you my love, but owe you my life

Hatred

Yesterday, I was fully prepared to openly admit that the Orange Man finally said something that made sense when he stated that the Justice Department would investigate and prosecute any persons found guilty in the tragic death and injuries that occurred in Charlottesville.

But, just as I was about to hit the post button, his childlike nature stepped forward once again and erased the final glimmer of hope I had for his redemption. This man’s ego just will not let him keep his mouth closed and unfortunately for the world, every time it opens, more of his ignorance pours forth.

America, I beg of you, can’t you now see the pure stupidity and moronic values that we have deemed fit to call the leader of our country. It should make no difference if you are Republican, Democrat, Independent or ‘I just close my eyes and make a mark’, the truth should now be apparent. There is no shame in admitting it. We made a mistake and now the fate of the world hinges on the ability of an unreliable congress to keep the insane Orange Man from doing the unthinkable just because someone told him he couldn’t have another cookie.

Hatred

You skulked down the hidden backstreets of rationality, peering through the keyholes of human decency and crawled in through the sewers of thought to whisper your name to the unsuspecting innocence, filling them with the fear of discontented oppression.

“We are America, Fuck You!” was your battle cry and the naive jump aboard your pretentious parade. Fake news… fake hair… FAKE TRUTH! Maybe we should have ‘read YOUR lips’.

Wall them out… or wall us in…that is the question.

Oh yes, my dear friend William… we are truly suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous buffoonery. Do we now take up arms and light the battle fires of resistance.

Or do we sleep… perchance to dream.

We must be careful what we dream for.

My Valley

My post, The Home of My Youth, prompted me to do this follow up. Just to bring a little history to those interested enough to trudge through my blog. I apologize for the length of this article but I warned you, I do tend to ramble on.

Sometimes it’s hard to know where to begin the story of one’s life. I’ve always heard though that the beginning of every journey starts with the first step.  I believe it would be impossible for anyone to understand who I am without first understanding where it is that I came from.  That place was a small town all but forgotten by the rest of the world, buried deep in the heart of the Missouri river valley. Nothing more than a wide spot in the barely paved state highway that slowed to 25 miles per hour as it crossed the exact center of nowhere.

There, tucked away in the north central part of the state, about ten miles or so from where the clear and slow moving water of the Grand River mixes with the quickly rolling mud of the Missouri River was my isolated valley. A tiny insignificant place dotted with small farms and rolling pastureland of bluestem, switch, and Indian grass. Somewhere just off the beaten path and a little left of “where the hell am I anyway”.

From high up in the hills where the Crabapple and Cottonwood creeks merge just outside Log Cabin Station there is a small creek that begins to snake its way south for thirty miles or so along the northern boundary of that rich Sugar Maple bottom land. On the burning days of summer the water in that creek moved slowly through a green and fertile landscape. Baked by the scorching sun, huge cracks appeared in the clay along its banks. Willow trees drooped in the heat; their limbs dipping down, longing for the refreshing touch of the cool silver water. Gars, carp, and catfish flipped the surface with their tails. Spreading small circles through the barely moving current. A few soft shelled turtles sprawled across logs and rocks basking in the afternoon sun. In most places it ran so shallow that as a small boy I could walk from one side to the other without getting the legs of my cutoff blue jeans wet.

In the springtime those soft clouds that drifted lazily across the blue sky could turn black. Heavy thunderstorms would roll over those loess covered shale and limestone mounds that rose above the valley. Rain fell in sheets across the thousands of acres of oak, walnut, hickory, maple, and cottonwood trees. The barrage would send silt filled water rushing down through hundreds of sloughs, branches, and springs. The tiny creek swelled until it could no longer contain itself and in a rage boiled over its banks. But the anger was usually short lived and the turbulent water would move on and pour its lifeblood into the central vein that fed the heartlands of this country. As it slowly receded into the confines of its tree lined banks it left behind another film of fertile topsoil.

In winter the tiny waterway would freeze and become dormant under a thick cover of ice. Its center would bow and crack from the heavy weight of snow. There it would wait patiently and gather its strength. Ready to burst forth and carry life again when the weather warmed and the clouds turned black.

For seven centuries this cycle had brought life to this valley and for seven centuries the ancestors of the Sioux Indians fished, hunted, and thrived there. They were the first to speak its name. The abundance of wildlife in the area led them to believe that small waterway was the ‘River of the Great Spirit’, and they called it…Wakenda.

It remained unchanged in appearance until those earliest settlers from Tennessee, Kentucky, and the Carolinas stretched their way westward from St. Louis on the heels of Lewis & Clark. The promise of prosperity brought them west and they brought with them their rifles and plows. With them too came the white man’s diseases and the most skillful of any assassin…progress. As progress settled into the valley of the Wakenda, the Great Sioux of the area had no choice but to fade away.

The men who settled the Wakenda valley had no interest in ripping down the forest and building an empire from the timber. They had no desire to slaughter every animal in sight to get rich from the fur trade. They planted their crops in the rich black gumbo and built their houses from the thick stands of hardwood. They made homes and carved out farms. They brought to life their dreams and created a legacy that would last for generations. They were hard working men and women, with solid moral character, integrity, and honesty. Like the people you’ll find in those pictures stored away in your attic or in an old family bible. Those faded black and white photos of people standing stiff in their threadbare dress clothes. With their well-worn hats shading their dark sullen stares. Their blank expressions and the heavy lines that crease their leathery skin makes your heart bleed to see that their youthfulness had been sucked from them at such an early age. You can see the years of hardship that had been ground into their tight-lipped unsmiling faces. But deep within those dark unblinking eyes you can see the sparkle of their resolve and you know that they would never give up; no one could ever beat them back and nothing could ever stop them.

*****

It wasn’t long after the arrival of those first settlers before progress came again. The cold steel rails of the North Missouri Railroad Company rolled across the valley carrying shop keepers, blacksmiths, and carpenters to build churches and schools. In 1869 a small settlement sprang up from the prairie grass and as it grew to become a town, it would eventually take on that same name as the creek and the valley itself. Wakenda, Missouri, ‘Home of the Great Spirit’ would thrive for a while. But eventually, like the Sioux before it, it too would be forced to succumb to the progress of time. It would struggle to survive and finally die a whimpering death.

Wakenda would be reclaimed by that same raging water that had sustained life for so many years and slowly fade away until nothing more than a pile of stones are left to mark its existence.

Just another body behind the dumpster

Life had turned its back on Jason so many years ago that he no longer held a grudge. Though, if anyone had ever had a reason to give God the bird, it would have to be him.

He said he was married once; if you could call it that. It was more like a whirlwind of passion followed by months of hatred and torment. Eventually, the entire affair succumbed to the throes of mistrust and subsequent unfaithfulness. Of course, each one blamed the other and perhaps neither one was wrong.

After that, he tried to make a go of it, flitting from one job to another in search of the one thing that would make him happy. He moved around a lot. At first it was just from one place to another in the same city, then to different cities and finally different states. He told me that he was always looking for some place to fit in, but just never seemed to be able to adapt. He was always the outsider, the odd duck so to speak, and thus began his hatred of people. Maybe hatred is too strong a word for what Jason felt toward others. Perhaps it was more like disillusionment in his fellow man. It was hard for him to get past the ‘stupidity of the world’ as he called it.

Rain

A lot of people are like a soft summer rain. They blow into your life and everything is refreshing and exciting. But eventually the clouds move on and you are left wet and miserable.