Category: flash

Good Morning America

On By Jerry BrothertonIn flash, Short Stories25 Comments

Good Morning Americans,

Just a little wake-up call for me this morning. While I was rinsing my mouth with Listerine Total Care Freshmint Anticavity Mouthwash this morning, I caught a glimpse of the back of the bottle. Under the heading ‘Active Ingredients, I saw only one thing listed; Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride Ion. Not bad I thought, “Pretty simple and straight forward.” Being the country boy that I am, I liked that.

But wait, what’s this? Way down at the bottom of the label was another category…inactive ingredients. What the Hell does that mean? Are they Chemicals just hanging around not doing anything? If they’re inactive, why do we need them? So being the inquisitive person (nosy little bastard) I researched the rest of my morning routine. I tell you, I was as Dumbfounded as the Orange Man at a diplomatic briefing.

An American Routine,

Jump in the shower and spread a little…Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Cocamidopropl Bethane, Sodium Chloride, Dimethconol, Fragrance, Carbomer, Propylene Glycol, Citric acid, Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride, Tea-dodecylbenzensulfate, Tetrasodium edta, DMDM Hydanton, PPG-9, Methylchloroisothiazolimone, Methylisothiazolimone, Mica (CI 77019), Titanium Dioxide (CI 77891) Blue 1 (CI 42090)…into your hair and let that rest a bit while I lather up with some nice refreshing…

Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Sodium Chloride, Fragrance, Cocamide MEA, Citric Acid, Propylene Glycol, PPG-9, Tedrasodium EDTA, Methylchloroisothiazolinone, Methylisothiazolinone, Yellow 6 (ci 19140), Red 33 (CI 17200)

Remember to rinse and repeat if necessary.

Jump out of the shower and dry off, then spread some of this on your face…Stearic Acid, Triethanolamine, Isobutane, Laureth-23, Propane, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Fragrance, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, BHT and scrape it off with sharp steel blades.

Throw a little Aluminum Ziconium Tetrachlorohydrex GLY, Cyclopentasiloxane, Stearyl Alcohol, PPG-14, Butyl Ether, Hydrogenated Castor Oil, Talc, PEG-8 Destearate, Fragrance, BST on your armpits.

Brush your teeth with some…Potassium nitrate, Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride ion,

Rinse with a little bit of.. Sodium Fluoride w/v fluoride ion, Sorbitol solution, Alcohol, Poloxamer 407, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, Eucalyptol, Flavor, Methyl Salicylate, Thymol, Phosphoric Acid, Sucralose, Menthol, Disodium Phosphate, FD&C Red 40, FD&C Blue 1

Don’t forget to put a little…Allantoin, Chloroxylenol, Cetyl Esters, Petrolatum, Isopropyl Palmitate, Carbomer 934, Triethanolamine, Stearyl Alcohol, Ceteareth-20, Lanolin, Methylparaben, Propylparaben, Fragrance on my crusty elbows and calloused hands.

The only thing left is to take my regiment of pills with a good ole glass of pure water…or is it?

Boobs…Food…Sleep

On By Jerry BrothertonIn flash, Short Stories17 Comments

There are only a few things that have the power to hold the interest of a fifteen-year-old boy. Boobs…food…sleep…and Boobs. If a fifteen-year-old boy fell off the Empire State building, on the way down, he’d be looking at the women’s boobs through the windows…all the while wishing he had a burger and some fries.

The Past

On By Jerry BrothertonIn flash, Short Stories17 Comments

I’m not quite sure why I’m so obsessed with the past. After all, If I remember correctly, I wasn’t that fond of it at the time.

Hey Dumb Ass

On By Jerry BrothertonIn flash, Short Stories28 Comments

Damn…

All of a sudden I’m old. I swear that when I went to bed last night I was young. I could run and jump, play ball with the kids, eat ice cream, drink beer, stay out all night and still make it to work the next morning with a smile on my face. But when I woke up this morning, it was a struggle to find my glasses before I could see good enough to even find my way to the bathroom to retrieve my teeth from the glass on the sink.

My mind tells me that I can still do all those things that I always just took for granted. But, I guess all my sweet moves on the field of play might have soured a bit. I probably should have known something was going on when they started asking me be the scorekeeper instead of a player. But, in my stubborn refusal to age, I did not pay attention ‘to everyone who ever knew me’ and attempted to join in on their reindeer games anyway. It only took a few minutes before my body parts looked at me in shame and decided to rebel.

Hey stupid ass…you want to quit that now. Cease and desist immediately or we’ll make you pay. And no amount of ibuprofen is going to fix it either.

But I did learn a valuable lesson. Whoever it was that said ‘No pain, no gain’ was younger than 30.

Progress

On By Jerry BrothertonIn flash, Short Stories14 Comments

Progress is never what it seems. It hides behind the mask of deceit. Progress always means change…change means money… but it’s always money for someone who has never had to live with the changes that progress has left them. Anytime you hear that they’re going to do a thing in the name of progress, you can bet that it’s just another way of saying, let’s take what’s beautiful, or intricately crafted, and turn it into something sleek, streamlined, cold…and ugly. Without warning progress will rip the heart from of a place and steal its innocents. It will pull the beauty from everything it touches and leave in its wake a crippled used up shell of what it once was.